Self-Image and Identity

Young people today have different obstacles to face than they did even just one generation ago.  While adolescence has always been a complicated time, now there is more pressure than ever to look a certain way and maintain a certain presence: an online presence through social media.

What are the issues with self-image and social media?

Whether it is Instagram, Snapchat, or the latest, coolest app, tweens, and teens are constantly bombarded with images of perfect hair, perfect skin, expensive shoes, cool coats, and the latest everything. Many react to this by succumbing to the pressure and trying to emulate what they see online.  Others can develop mental health issues or turn to more dangerous methods such as eating disorders.

What can parents do to help children develop a healthy self-image? As always, communication is key.  It is important to have conversations with your young children, tweens, and teens about self-image, identity, and the kind of people they aspire to be.  Make sure they understand that a lot of what they see on social media is not real, or at least not the full picture.  We all have flaws, bad hair days, difficult moments, sad weeks, etc., and that is okay. Talk to them about substance and meaningfulness vs. shallowness, and make sure they understand that you are always there for them if they need you.  Often feeling loved and supported can help children develop healthy self-esteem.

How can parents balance the selfie phenomenon? Another step parents can take is understanding the selfie phenomenon.  A selfie is a photograph that one takes of oneself, typically to be shared over social media.  When teens update their social media profiles with a selfie, this type of selfie is totally acceptable (provided that the teen is appropriately clothed).  However, uploading selfies every day isn’t really necessary, although your teen may not agree. Extensive uploading can be a sign that your child is not understanding the importance of self-respect.  The selfie phenomenon has taken the world by storm and it is debatable on whether it is empowering or demeaning to young women and teens.

How can parents promote positive self-image and self-respect?

Parents can help children and teens promote positive self-image and self-respect.  Self-image is how we view ourselves, our self-worth, our self-judgment, or our self-value.  Teens today not only create their identity in the real world, but they also create an online identity.  Important features of well-being online are the abilities to understand what is right and wrong, value the differences between people, respecting the rights of others, being able to manage strong feelings, and being able to face and recover from setbacks. These are all important topics that parents can discuss with their children.

If you feel that your child is already struggling with self-esteem and self-image, take a closer look at their media and technology use.  Is he posting over-doctored selfies every day?  Is she only following glamorous famous people on social media?  Do they spend hours a day on Snapchat and Instagram? Does your child seem overly exhausted? Does she criticize herself more than usual?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider some of the following suggestions:

• Rethink and tweak your family’s media and technology plan. This is something that will likely need to evolve as your children do.
• Try setting tech-free times throughout the day, such as in the evening just before bed and at night, to ensure that scrolling through beauty posts at 1 Am is not an option.
• Encourage your child to start following more positive role models on Instagram. There are bloggers and other influences who take a more realistic approach to social media, regularly posting photos without makeup on, talking about their mental health issues, how they struggled financially before they became rich and famous, etc. There are also people using their social media accounts to further important social movements and to highlight meaningful volunteer work. This might help your tween put things into perspective and understand that nobody is as perfect, happy, beautiful, etc. as their Instagram account makes them seem, and that they can use their accounts for good.
• Help your children discover fun, stimulating, interesting offline activities that they can potentially develop a passion for, and therefore naturally spend less time online.
• Try a digital detox. There are a wide variety of options from 1-day detoxes for just your children to 1-month detoxes for the whole family. Find one that works for you and enjoy disconnecting from technology and reconnecting with loved ones.
• Lead by example.  If you are also overly critical of yourself, or you post a lot of selfies or spend too much time online in general, your child may very well just be imitating you. Take a step back and look at your own social media and technology consumption, and if you feel like there are some areas for improvement, change your own habits, and see if your child follows suit.
• Have conversations with your children on a regular basis.  This cannot be reiterated enough. Open communication is the best way to help your children with these (and most) issues.